Faith Transitions and Coaching Specialties
I love working with people in the midst of a faith transition.
I know what it feels like to experience your faith as if it were your whole identity; to be taught from day one that you are broken without the group; that the only way you will find healing or get to heaven or be with the people you love is through this practice or that savior or this ritual or that leader; to follow their instructions for healing to the letter (and with all your heart), only to have the desired healing fail; to wonder if you are so broken that even god/guru/church/group can’t help you (and so wonder if you should even be here at all); to give your all to your community; and to have it all come crashing down around you, with no maps or models for how to move forward.
Sometimes we hear this soul-wrenching experience referred to as “deconstruction.”
If this resonates with you, let me just say: You are so, so brave. I have some sense of the hurt, the confusion, the grief that goes along with all of this.
And….
I promise you that, on the other side of this, your life can be more alive and full of meaning than it ever was, whether your path leads you to stay or leave the group. (And let me just say, I trust your inner compass. That blueprint is inside you, and you’re the only one with the key. In the story of your faith journey, you are the main character, the heroine or hero, I am just a guide.)
My approach is centered in reconnecting you to your own inner rudder—a big shift for many coming from a life centered on external authorities (political, religious, therapeutic, or otherwise).
Beyond Reconstruction
While, for some, reconstruction (building new beliefs to replace of the old) can be helpful, in my experience, it often does not lead to a sense of healing. And that’s where I part ways with many others. I will introduce you to a set of tools that will re-root you to the soil of your own sovereignty.
From what I’ve seen, people who find the strength to leave the religious communities of their upbringing often get caught in a painful cycle of disillusionment, alternating back and forth between the loss of deconstruction and the hope of reconstruction—a kind of endless bargaining with the grief from losing our whole sense of self.
What’s more, many of these faith organizations/leaders filled us with crippling fears that seem to live in the cells of our bodies. (I’ll never forget having a panic attack as I signed on the dotted line with my cell phone provider, because it was not longer the Lord’s cell phone provider… something I can laugh about now, but that felt sooooo scary at the time.)
“If you didn’t have us (the group/church/organization/leaders), who would you have? Where would you go?” Which is really the same as saying, “You know you can’t live without us. ‘The world’ really is that awful. ‘The Other’ really is that scary. We—the group or leaders— really are the only safe haven on earth. And you are helpless without us.”
Not coincidentally, psychologists refer to the experience of depression as a “learned helplessness.” Many of us were taught this helplessness, within our faith communities, from day one.
And so we find ourselves getting pulled back into a cycle we may not longer want.
For many, a more helpful map might look something like this:
Deconstruction > Grief > Rooting into One’s Center/Alive-ness > Self-Discovery > Intuitive Living
No reconstruction. No new creeds. Just a genuine connection to what’s real and alive inside you. (I promise you, it’s more than enough.) Gradually, we regain a trust in life itself; in the innate rhythms of healing, growth, embodiment, and self-love.
Regardless of where your path takes you, I support you. I trust the inner lives of my clients, whether that guides you deep into the secular, the religious, or anywhere in between and beyond. One thing is certain: in our work together, there is only one person in that room that can possibly know what is right for you, and it isn’t me.
But I can provide a container—what Jung called a temenos—a sacred space, a sacred mirror, an open heart, and a complete absence of judgment for you to show up as all of you; no masks required. And I can provide many tools and approaches to help you re-encounter your innate wholeness. (We all had to learn to feel broken.)
As we explore maps and models together, our motto might be, “No models are true, but some are useful.” Some of these could include:
Mindfulness
Jungian
Myth-poetic
Esoteric
Ancestral
Dreamwork
Creativity
Through all of this, something is new: Your values lead the way.
The clamoring voices outside of you no longer get to occupy “the territory of yourself.”
You claim your inner authority as sovereign-of-yourself, one step at a time. Toss out any part that does not resonate with you. Weave together the threads of your life in a way that’s full of meaning—not for those around you—but for you.
The strangest thing happens: you feel more connected—to yourself, to life, to those you love—than ever. The secret? Confidently, unhesitatingly being plain old ordinary you.